


found me the edge of something beautiful and loud

by reachedthebitterend



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Michael Gets Adopted into a Good Family AU, alien reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-02 08:00:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18807016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reachedthebitterend/pseuds/reachedthebitterend
Summary: Alex pulled the rug from under Michael's feet and broke his heart five years ago, but with a little nostalgia, a trip down memory lane and several dramatic declarations, Michael finds himself with everything that he's ever wanted set right in front of him on a silver platter, all he has to do is take it.





	found me the edge of something beautiful and loud

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for the lovely Sarah, who literally owns my heart <3

Michael is twenty four and Isobel is getting married.

It’s the only thing that could ever get him back to Roswell.

Max and Liz pick him up in Albuquerque on their way to Roswell, and he spends the entire trip dodging Liz’s probing questions about his research and Max’s not so subtle remarks about how skinny he looks and his overall haggard appearance.

Michael doesn’t mention how he’s been hardly sleeping since the name Alex Manes had popped up in the list of candidates waiting to test the new age prosthetics his team was working on.

They make it to Roswell and drive straight to the Wild Pony.

There were drinks and congratulations and avoiding Isobel’s Mother Hen interrogation and Kyle’s well meant conversation about one of his papers, but Michael couldn’t really see Kyle and not think Alex.

The drinks kept flowing even after the bar closed, and Maria had been cajoling Max into singing a duet with her when she stopped and both her and Liz yelled out at the same time.

“Alex!”

Michael felt as though the entire world had screeched to a halt and his stomach hadn’t gotten the message.

“You’re here!” Maria yells happily.

“It’s your bachelorette party,” is the first thing Michael hears Alex say in five years. “I wouldn’t have missed this for anything.”

Michael’s fingers curl into fists and he swallows hard looking down at the table.

He remembers the last time that he saw Alex, a determined with a wild look in his eyes as he told Michael that he was joining the Air Force.

He feels Isobel’s hand over his and when he looks at her she gives him a look that clearly says that she hadn’t known that he would be there.

Michael inhales once, deliberately slow and gives her a smile.

He can do this.

**

Michael is nineteen and his entire world just tilted on its axis.

“You can’t be serious,” Michael says looking at Alex who is sitting down at the edge of Michael’s bed refusing to look up at him. “After everything that he’s done to you, after everything that you did to get out from under his thumb, you’re just going to keep walking down the path that he wants for you?”

“What else am I supposed to do?” Alex snaps finally looking up at him. “I want to get out of here, Guerin! I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in this town stuck working three jobs just to get by!”

“Come with me, then,” Michael blurts out surprising himself and Alex who stares at him with wide eyes. “I have my own dorm room. You can stay with me,” he continues stepping closer. “And then we’ll figure the rest out.”

Alex shakes his head in quick jerky movements. “I refuse to become your newest charity case.”

Michael frowns at him, hurt making his chest ache. “That’s not what this is about. I care about you, and you don’t really want to do this.”

“What do you even know about what I want?” Alex snaps at him, standing up. “You barely even know me. All I am is your Roswell Summer fling.”

“That’s not true,” Michael snaps back, feeling a little irritated with himself that he had ever believed that Alex was okay with it when one of his new friends had called him that the first and only time that Alex had ever visited him on campus. “You know how I feel about you.”

“Do I really, Guerin? Because you come by every summer and you make my head spin and you leave again over and over and so what? Just because you love me, I’m supposed to just sit here and put my life on pause until you come back?”

“Stop this,” Michael says a little desperate. “You’re trying to get me upset to make this easier, but newsflash, Alex, nothing is going to make this easy.”

Alex crosses his arms over his chest and looks away from Michael.

Michael moves in close and sighs in relief when Alex doesn’t push him away.

Michael drops his forehead to Alex’s temple and breathes in.

“Everytime I go it tears me apart, I never want to leave you. I would stay here, if you asked me to,” he whispers voice low.

Alex shakes his head again.

“You have this big brain that you need to be using to make the world a better place and I refuse to be the thing that got in your way.”

“Alex, I don’t care-” Michael starts pulling away from Alex to catch his eyes.

Alex refuses to look at him as he cuts him off.

“Besides,” he says exhaling slowly, but it still doesn’t stop his voice from shaking. “Like I said, this is just a Summer fling.”

“No,” Michael says shaking his head.

“Yes, Guerin,” Alex says finally looking back at him. “Or are you going to tell me that you’re not with anyone else the times we’re not together?”

Michael pulls his lips into his mouth and looks away.

“This isn’t a real relationship obviously,” he continues words starting to blur together as though he’s trying to speak as fast as he can to get the words out. “So why are we holding on to something that’s just not getting us anywhere-”

“Stop,” Michael says clenching his fists and breathing heavily. The lamp shakes on top of the night stand.

Alex stops talking, stops moving, stops  _breathing_.

He just watches Michael with wide wet eyes, and Michael swallows hard and closes his eyes and exhales roughly.

“Why are you doing this?” he asks and his voice sounds tired.

He can hear Alex swallow hard.

“Because I’m going to go. And there is nothing that you can do or say to stop me.”

**

Michael can’t do this.

Alex stands right behind him in the bathroom mirror.

Michael’s eyes dart all over him, taking him in and letting the water run over his hands.

Alex looks so different yet exactly the same.

By the time they were nineteen, he had lost the eyeliner and the nail polish. The piercings stayed until he made the decision to leave the one place that Michael always came back to like he was caught in the gravity of this town.

But in reality, he was caught in Alex’s gravity, always pulled in close whenever he was near enough.

Michael is here because Isobel is getting married, but he would be lying if he said he hadn’t hoped to run into Alex.

One difference lies in the way he carries himself, how his shoulders are tense, and he’s standing with his legs at shoulder’s width, at attention as though he needs to be on his guard.

“Don’t blame Isobel,” he says and that’s one way that he’s still the same, his voice always had the ability to make Michael stop and pay attention. “She told me to stay away. I came because I needed to see you.”

Michael scoffs and looks back down at his hands, washing off the rest of the soap.

“Michael,” Alex says voice low and too close, fingers just barely grazing the back of Michael’s neck.

Michael hadn’t even heard him move.

His eyes snap back to him as he shuts off the water. He feels his heart beating rapidly in his too tight chest making it hard to breathe.

“There’s something I want to show you. Something you have to see. Come with me?”

Michael inhales sharply.

“I don’t think there’s anything that you have to show me that I want to see,” Michael says before he’s turning around fast, forcing Alex to take a step back.

Alex frowns at him, and Michael takes the opportunity to let his gaze drop down deliberately dragging it back up and wetting his bottom lip with his tongue.

“Besides the obvious.”

Alex watches him steadily, eyes a little wide as though he’s surprised that Michael is hitting on him.

He watches as Alex swallows hard and takes a step closer.

His eyes drop to Michael’s mouth and then back up and he tilts his head and speaks.

“Guerin, if you ever loved me, come with me.”

It’s a low blow. And Alex knows it, but he doesn’t look away.

Michael looks at Alex seriously for a few long seconds before he nods his head slowly.

Alex exhales and his shoulders drop and he gives Michael a small smile.

“Great, you’re driving.”

He holds the keys out and drops them.

Michael catches them automatically.

Alex turns and walks out of the bathroom.

**

Michael is seventeen and Alex works at the UFO Emporium giving tours and talking about the Crash of ‘47.

He watches him as he goes through the information, and his voice sounds like he’s bored, but he answers questions and smiles at the curious little kids encouragingly.

Michael feels a pulse low in his gut and he thinks a little unsteadily about things that are way too soon to be thinking about especially about someone he hasn’t even kissed yet.

Alex looks over the crowd again and this time their eyes meet.

Alex’s eyes are wide and dark and the black eyeliner is new and  _interesting_.  

He stumbles over a passage Michael knows he knows by heart now, and it makes him bite down on his lip so that he doesn’t smile.

He knows that Alex is probably wondering if he’s here to talk about what happened at the Evans’ Family BBQ last summer.

And in a way he is, but not in the way that is making the dread pool in Alex’s eyes whenever he glances at him for the remainder of the tour.

“Can we talk?” Michael asks shoving his hands in his pockets as the rest of the group heads separate ways.

Alex looks at him for a long moment.

“I didn’t know you were back,” Alex says not responding to Michael’s question.

“I just got in today,” Michael says, which is technically true. He got in on a bus an hour ago, and had checked his bag into the locker rooms at the terminal before he went in search of Alex.

Max and Isobel had no idea he was in town, yet.

Alex inhales deeply and nods his head, making a motion with his hands that Michael should follow him.

Michael follows close enough that he treads on Alex’s heels twice, until Alex leads them into an enclosed space, marked off for repairs.

Michael looks around the dimly lit room with the model UFOs hanging from the ceiling and the backdrop of fake stars forming constellations that aren’t even in their correct place.

Alex stops in the middle of the room and turns to face Michael.

Michael takes a few long seconds to stare at him.

He catalogues the differences, the septum piercing, the eyeliner, the way his shirt is stretching out at his shoulders, and the similarities, the multiple bracelets, the chipped nail polish, the way he stares at Michael like Michael is something amazing he never thought he’d find.

“Okay,” Alex says licking his lips. “Talk.”

Michael thinks of all the things that he wants to say. About how he hadn’t realized how badly he wanted Alex’s mouth on his until Alex had tried to kiss him and Michael had pulled away. About how he’d thought of little else for months. About how he’d imagined how it would feel to kiss Alex for the first time. About how ever since he unpacked his things in his room when he’d gotten home, he’d felt this restless, buzzing feeling in his veins that made it feel like he was waiting to come back here, to Alex.

But Alex is looking at him like he knows exactly what Michael is going to tell him, so Michael just acts.

He fits his fingers to the curve of Alex’s jaw and tugs him in, pressing a soft lingering kiss to his mouth.

Alex inhales sharply once, and kisses him back, pushing into Michael.

Michael sighs as their lips part, eyes still close as he savors the still feeling that spreads through him at Alex’s touch.

**

“Stop,” Alex says sudden and loud after several minutes of silence.

Michael does immediately because Alex sounds like he just remembered something important and just watches in confusion as Alex gets out and walks at least until his eyes catch the broken sign of the UFO Emporium.

Michael watches as Alex turns right by the broken front doors and raises an eyebrow at him before he turns and ducks beneath the fading yellow caution tape zigzagging across the broken doors.

Michael clenches his fingers around the steering wheel of the car and wishes that he wasn’t sober or that he had more to drink or that he hadn’t fallen for Alex’s goading and had stayed when Isobel had wrapped an arm around him as he’d been heading towards the exit.

Through the open passenger side window he can hear the sounds of something heavy crashing.

Michael gets out of the car.

Finding Alex isn’t difficult at all once Michael gets inside.

It almost feels as though something in Alex is tugging Michael to the right direction.

He stops right in front of the black curtain and he can make the sounds of Alec moving around behind it, and he wonders if he really wants to do this.

Alex had cut them up into little pieces when he left saying words that Michael knew he didn’t actually mean, but still left him feeling like he’d gotten millions of paper cuts all over his body.

And now, here he was, leading Michael to the place where they shared their first kiss like he wants to take a trip down memory lane as though they’d parted amicably.

“Are you going to just stay out there until it’s time for us to leave?” Alex speaks startling Michael into motion.

Michael pushes through the thick curtains and looks around to see that Alex is standing in the middle of the room.

The space looks completely different than the last time that Michael saw it.

Gone were the fake stars and the UFO saucers and the display cases. Instead there was the bare bones of a room, completely painted in shiny glossy black, the smell of fresh paint heavy in the air.

Alex was standing besides what looked like a projector. He’s messing around with the buttons, but he shoots Michael a look out of the corner of his eye and speaks.

“You know, I had this whole speech planned out, but I can’t seem to remember the words, probably all the tequila I had to drink to get me through the Wild Pony doors.”

Michael licks his lips and just continues to watch him as Alex looks back down to what he’s doing and keeps speaking.

“I thought once I got here the words would come to me but the only thing that I can think about is how you dragged me out of my bed in the middle of the night to take me to the middle of the desert, so that you could recreate our first kiss to a backdrop of constellations that were actually in their proper place in order to undo the kink in your delicate alien aesthetic sensibilities.”

Michael exhales and tries not to let the warmth of the memory spread through him.

Alex is looking at him like he knows exactly what Michael is doing.

As though the last five years of distance is nothing compared to the fact that he knows Michael inside and out.

Michael swallows and says. “You said you had something you wanted to show me.”

Alex nods his head and closes the panel he had open on the projector before he gives Michael a look raising an eyebrow. “A little help?”

Alex looks up to where there is a spot where the projector is supposed to go, and Michael just swallows again before he takes a step closer and reaches out with one hand, concentrating.

He hears Alex breathing hitch as the projector gently levitates from his hands and to the ceiling.

Michael tries to block him out and connects the projector to where it needs to go.

He exhales once it’s in place and let’s his hand drop, eyes opening and looking directly into Alex’s.

Alex is looking at him like how he did the first time that he saw Michael use his abilities, eyes wide, brows raised, lips parted, radiating surprise and awe and warmth.

Michael looks away from him.

He hears Alex move, hears him pick up his crutch and the tap it makes, louder than the sound of his shoes as he walks further away from Michael to the other side of the room.

Michael closes his eyes and inhales deeply trying to think of a way to tell Alex that while he appreciates this trip down memory lane, it’s about five years too late when Alex speaks.

“Keep your eyes closed for me for a second,” he asks and his voice sounds a little muffled, but Michael just exhales and keeps his eyes closed.

“When I heard that Grant Green was planning on reopening this place I asked him if he’d let me work on one of the exhibits, now that I’ve got all this free time. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, ever since I realized what a mistake it was to let you go when I joined the Air Force.”

Michael feels as though Alex hit him in the chest and it’s hard to breathe, hard to  _think_.

“I know I hurt you,” he says voice low and pained. “And I knew that I could probably just apologize and you’d take me back, but I’ve had nothing but time on my hands the last few months to think of a way to show you that I’m serious.”

Michael inhales carefully and turns towards the sound of Alex’s voice.

“Can I open my eyes now?” Michael asks slowly.

“No,” Alex says on a shaky exhale before he breathes in deeply and Michael hears the click of a switch and it gets darker behind his eyelids.

He opens his mouth to say something about why Alex would need total darkness when Michael’s eyes are already close, when there is another click and Michael can just make out a faint imprint of light through the backs of his eyelids.

He hears Alex walk closer.

“I figured taking you to the stars would be a good step, but I can’t exactly commandeer a space shuttle, so I thought I’d bring them to you, instead.”

Michael takes that as the cue it’s supposed to be and opens his eyes.

Michael used to have these dreams sometimes after falling asleep next to Alex, about traveling through the stars, seeing millions upon millions of them streaking pass and a feeling of overwhelming love and peace.

Opening his eyes to see Alex standing right in front of him, his face lit up by the brightest star next to him, looking at Michael as though he were the sun, leaves him poleaxed.

He wants to say something, anything, but as he starts to spin slowly in a circle to take in the rest of the room he quickly realizes exactly where they are standing.

Michael stops and Alex starts to walk as he speaks, “They are holographic projections. It took me a while to get it working just right, and for a time there I thought I’d never get it right.”

Michael gives him a look as Alex passes by in front of him, looking around at his work instead of Michael.

“And the stars kept glitching whenever touched but now they just move out of the way,” he waves his right hand around in demonstration and Michael watches as the lights move away from his hand and then back as though they’re repelling magnets.

He continues to speak, and to walk around in a slow circle, orbiting Michael who turns slowly to follow his procession through the stars feeling his stomach fill with something warm and fizzy and a noise like a heartbeat thumping in the back of his head.

He stops right where he began, and tilts his head towards the bright star right by his face.

“And I’m pretty sure that this is Altair.”

Michael’s breath hitches because Alex is right.

That is Altair and if Michael follows the lines he can make out the other two points of the triangle pointing straight at Alex, like the very heavens had been giving him a sign.

Michael once again follows the cues given by Alex’s voice and the way that Alex is looking at him, with eyes wide and dark and waiting.

Michael steps right up to him, and Alex just continues to watch him as if the decision to where this goes next is all in Michael’s hands, and fuck Alex for doing this to him.

Letting Alex go was one of the most difficult things that Michael had ever had to do in his life.

And he thought he had let him go.

Until he saw his name and read the file attached and promptly had gotten drunk and drunk more acetone than he had in a while.

It was one thing to think that Alex would get hurt if he was sent into an active warzone. It was a whole other thing to see it all spelled out for him in clinical precision.

And here he was standing in front of Michael as though Michael didn’t know how close it had gotten, as though Michael didn’t know that he had  _almost died_.

Michael kisses him, digging his fingers into the back of his neck and crashing their mouths together hard.

Alex makes a muffled hurt sound against his mouth and Michael swallows it biting insistently against Alex’s mouth until Alex’s lips part beneath his.

Michael kisses Alex with all the anger and all the fear and all the loneliness he’s felt the last five years and Alex lets him, wrapping his hand around Michael’s wrist and opening up to him.

Michael parts their lips with a gasp, and breathes feeling a rush of emotion go through him.

Alex leans his forehead against Michael’s and sighs.

When Michael opens his eyes, all he can see is Alex, and his wide dark eyes almost black and seeming endless with the bright points of the stars shining within them as though he’s got an entire galaxy trapped in his eyes just for Michael to see.

Alex shudders and moves, their noses brush together and Michael’s eyes fall shut.

Alex kisses him soft and sweet. A fleeting press of lips that leaves Michael feeling completely undone.

When Alex pulls back, Michael’s fingers snag against the collar of his jacket, keeping him close as he opens his eyes to look at him.

Alex watches him back steadily.

“This is just the first stop,” Alex says.

Michael takes a deep breath and lets him go.

Alex gives him a smile, and then walks past him, leading the way out of the room.

Michael watches as he cuts a path through the stars and swears he feels a tug in the pit of his stomach that pulls him in Alex’s direction as he starts to get further away.

Michael follows the pull and wonders what else Alex has planned for them tonight.

**

Michael is sixteen and being around Alex is really confusing in a way that Michael doesn’t know what to do with.

Max had driven them to Sander’s Auto after he’d picked him up at the terminal.

He tells Michael that Isobel is hanging out with a new crowd these days and parks the car in front of a precariously leaning structure, that seems to shudder every time there is a strong gust of wind.

Michael sees what he means when he catches sight of Isobel sitting on one side of Rosa, Maria on Rosa’s other side on a dirty broken couch pressed against the shuddering structure and they’re all giggling and passing a smoking joint around.

It’s impossible that that is what’s making Isobel giggly, but then Michael sees her take a sip from a flask when she thinks no one is watching.

“Evans has booze and she’s not sharing!” Comes a familiar voice from above them, and Michael looks up to make out Alex sitting down on an overhang of the metal structure, his legs hanging down, a guitar cradled in his arms as he points with one hand at Isobel.

Isobel starts sputtering and Maria and Rosa start to pat her down, and they all collapse into  pile of giggles that Max goes to break up.

Michael finds himself leaning on the car and watching as Alex starts to play with the guitar looking over to Michael and away.

It makes his stomach clench, and Michael suddenly wants to be closer.

He pushes off the jeep and walks past where Rosa, Maria and Isobel race to Max’s car.

Max stops him with a hold on his arm. “They want food.”

Michael licks his lips and nods his head.

“I’ll find my own ride.”

Max looks at him and then up at Alex and shakes his head as though he knows something that Michael doesn’t before he’s nodding his head back and heading to the jeep.

Michael hears the jeep leaving as he starts to climb up to where Alex is.

The strumming of the guitar stops, and Michael pulls himself up, looking into Alex’s surprised eyes as he sits down beside.

The structure moves and Michael holds it still with his abilities until it stops shuddering and then throws Alex a look trying not to look as suddenly sick as he feels.

He swallows hard and says, “You trying to court death, Manes?”

Alex shrugs and starts to move his fingers along the fret, strumming the guitar softly.

From this close, Michael can make out the fading bruise on his cheekbone, and the lurid purple-green edge of a more recent one right by the collar of his shirt.

Like always it sends a jolt of rage through him and Michael clenches his fists tightly as the structure shakes beneath them for a few tense seconds.

They both exhale when it stops and Michael looks to see Alex sitting there with his eyes closed, fingers clenched around the guitar.

Michael gently pries it from his grip, and Alex lets it go reluctantly.

But he turns to Michael as Michael settles the guitar in his lap and starts to play.

“I’m so glad that you’re here,” Alex says. “Liz is off to camp, and I’m not touching what’s going on between Rosa and Isobel and Maria with a ten foot pole. And all Max does is sigh despondent, everytime he remembers Liz is gone, which is once every five minutes.”

Michael grins, biting down on his lip and looking down as the clenching in the pit of his stomach gets worse.

“I’m glad to be of service,” he drawls and darts a look at Alex who looks away suddenly.

There is a second fraught with heavy tension when Michael starts playing automatically.

Alex bursts into a peal of laughter at the same time that Michael realizes what song he’s playing.

He stops and Alex nudges him with his knee.

“No, come on, keep playing.”

Michael looks at Alex from the corner of his eye to see that he’s smiling encouragingly.

Michael starts playing again, and his fingers nearly fumble on the chords when Alex starts singing along.

“ _-I don’t believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now-_ ”

Michael finds the chords automatically, and he’s really glad that this was one of the first songs he ever learned to play, because he can’t take his eyes off Alex, but he doesn’t want Alex to know that he’s staring at him.

Alex is singing into the air and his hands are curled around the ledge on either side of his knees.

He looks so happy and beautiful and at peace and Michael has to look away.

The clenching in his stomach gets worse, and there’s a tight feeling in his chest as though it’s hard to breathe.

Michael’s gaze is dragged back to Alex as his voice soars.

“ _-because maybe you’re gonna be the one that saves me-_ ”

Alex’s eyes open and he looks straight at him as he sings and his voice trails off and Michael stops the chords from moving.

There is a moment where all Michael wants to do is move closer and he can  _feel_ that Alex wants him to.

And then the wind blows fast and sudden and the structure shifts alarmingly below them.

“Fuck,” Alex breathes. “We have to get down.”

Michael agrees, but when Alex starts to move the structure tips more to one side and Michael reaches out with one hand, eyes closed and realizes abruptly that it’s too late to do anything to stop it or fix it.

But he can hold it still as much as he can while Alex gets down.

Michael sets his hands down on the metal on either side of his thighs and concentrates.

The structure stops moving, but Michael immediately starts shaking.

“Go, Alex,” he says through clenched teeth.

“What?” Alex says sounding a little out of breath and a lot panicked.

“I can’t hold it long,” he grits out. “Please, Alex.”

Alex looks at him one second too long.

Michael glares and his concentration flickers and the structure leans alarmingly almost making them fall. Michael catches it again and gasps.

Before Michael can tell him to move again, Alex is moving. His motions tug nauseatingly at Michael’s control.

Then in a move that would’ve killed them both if Michael were anybody else, Alex grabs him by his shoulders and tugs him along as he jumps down.

Michael’s control wavers and snaps and there is a loud crashing noise as Alex’s motions make the pile of scrap metal destabilize even faster.

They land on their sides, hard against the dirt, and Alex makes a high pitched pained sound as he lands on his bruised shoulder.

Michael rolls them so that he’s caging Alex beneath him and then he concentrates again, feeling the bile at the back of his throat as he catches the pieces that would’ve landed on them.

The loud crashing, grinding sound stops and Michael darts a look at Alex, whose eyes are wide open in shock and awe, lips parted slightly as he gazes over Michael’s head.

Michael grunts with the effort as he leans up and pushes the metal in his hold away from them.

Michael’s knees are on either side of Alex’s hips and Alex’s lips are still parted as he leans up on his elbows and doesn’t look anywhere but Michael’s face.

“Wow,” he breathes. “How did you do that? Are you like a superhero or something?”

His voice is full of awe and genuine curiosity, and Michael remembers the conversation Max had with him about keeping this a secret, but he’s pretty sure this falls under extenuating circumstances .

Michael inhales deeply and just says it.

“I’m an alien.”

Alex’s brow furrows, and Michael bites down on his lip hard waiting to see how Alex was going to react.

“Like Superman?” he asks slowly.

Michael scoffs in derision, “Please don’t compare me to that goody two shoes, I’m much more badass than that.”

Alex laughs, a giggle that goes slightly manic and Michael let’s himself fall on the floor beside him, looking up at the blue, blue sky that seems brighter all of a sudden.

He feels a hand on his, and he looks over to see Alex looking at him with a soft smile on his face.

“Thanks,” he says simply, but Michael hears all of the definitions in the one word, thanks for staying, thanks for telling me, thanks for saving my life.

Michael just nods his head once and looks back up at sky, the tight feeling wrapped around his chest making him feel lightheaded.

**

When Michael sees the sign for Sander’s Auto, he almost pulls the car over to the side.

Of course Alex would bring him here.

The place where Michael had saved his life, exposing his secret in the process.

He drives them straight to the scene without being told, and is not surprised when the headlights shine across a guitar leaning against a rusty bar stool.

Michael stops the car, turning it off and looks to Alex.

Alex inhales deeply and sends Michael a nervous smile before he’s getting out of the car.

Michael watches him through the windshield as he sets his crutch down carefully and then grabs the guitar, leaning comfortably against the stool as he props the guitar on his thigh and starts strumming.

Michael hears him checking if it’s still turned through the open window.

He turns the car off, but leaves the headlights on the lowest setting as he gets out of the car.

Michael walks around to the front of the car and leans back against the hot hood.

Alex clears his throat and looks up and smiles when he sees Michael is out of the car.

“This was the place I figured it out,” he says as he begins to strum the guitar, notes playing out a familiar tune that Michael can’t quite place. “That you would do anything to protect me. And that I was absolutely, hopelessly in love with you.”

Michael feels his heart leap to his throat, and his mouth feels dry.

And then Alex closes his eyes and starts to sing, and Michael feels as though his heart is trying to beat right out of his mouth.

“ _-would you tremble if I touched your lips?-_ ”

Alex sings as he opens his eyes and looks at him.

Michael feels mesmerized and captivated. Alex is shining in the lights, and he looks like he’s the alien, dark wide eyes, red mouth making sounds that send shivers down the back of Michael’s neck and urge him closer.

His pulse slows as Alex goes through the chorus voice soft, and he feels like the entire world has narrowed down to this moment right here.

“ _-would you swear that you’ll always be mine-_ ”

Michael finds himself nodding as he pushes off the car and moves closer.

Alex’s fingers stumble a bit when he realizes that Michael is moving in closer, but he keeps going, voice cresting as he goes into the chorus again.

Michael reaches him just as he starts the last line, “ _-you can take my breath away-_ ”

Michael thinks, gladly, and leans in, pressing the guitar between them as he kisses Alex.

It’s not rough and biting like the one he gave him at the Emporium but it’s not sweet and gentle like the one that Alex had given him back.

No, this kiss was all tongues, deep and wet and conquering because Michael wants him, has always wanted him, has never stopped wanting him, and here he is making Michael’s heart race like he’s sixteen all over again.

He pulls away when Alex’s fingers dig into the back of his neck, and Alex gasps, heaving breaths against his mouth, hard and fast and it makes Michael want to kiss him again.

He nudges their noses together, dropping his forehead to Alex’s and sighs.

Alex inhales deliberately and exhales slowly and rubs his nose against Michael’s before he’s tipping his chin further back and slides their mouths together, licking against his lips and pulls back when Michael moans low in his throat, feeling a spike of lust, and pushes for more.

“Wait,” Alex says and laughs when Michael says no, and tries to kiss him again.

Michael sighs and straightens up letting Alex go.

Alex shakes his head as though he’s trying to clear it and sets the guitar aside.

“Ever since we met all you’ve been doing is trying to protect me, and you saved my life right here in this spot, and I just hope you know that you’ve always been my hero. It was the thought of you that kept me going some nights, so even while apart, you kept me safe, and I want you to know that.”

Michael stares at him, feeling a well of emotions clogging his throat. He doesn’t know if he’s going to make it through the rest of this little trip down memory lane if Alex is going to say something like that everytime.

“You can’t remember your speech, huh?” he says after clearing his throat twice.

Alex gives him a small smile, “It’s coming back in stages.”

“Or you’re just a lying liar that lies,” Michael says and Alex laughs and moves to get his crutch, and Michael snaps his fingers and it flies to Alex’s outstretched hand.

Alex gives him a smile and stands up.

“Where to next?” he asks as Alex starts walking towards the car.

Alex gives him a look out of the corner of his eye and a shy smile. “The skate park, of course.”

Michael shakes his head with a smile. “Of course.”

**

Michael is fourteen and visiting Roswell for the first time.

Max drags him to the skate park the same day he gets in, and spends the entire time staring at the girl riding her bicycle around the track instead of skating.

Michael spends the entire time teasing him and trying to stay on the skateboard for more than a few minutes at a time.

Michael manages a slow and easy ride and then forgets how to stop and falls to the floor.

He groans and hears laughter, but when he looks up it’s not directed at him.

There is a group of kids all looking to be around his age, surrounding another kid their age, and pushing him around.

Michael stands up slowly and hears the names that they call him. Names that people call Michael because he gets good grades and has nice, longish curly hair.

He deliberates getting involved, and he can see Max’s anxious stare from somewhere to his left when the kid spats out something truly mean that makes the guy who looks like the ringleader red in the face.

He goes in for a punch, and Michael reacts.

He pushes into the middle and blocks the bully’s punch with his skateboard.

The kid yells out in pain, and Michael lifts the board over his head, “Go away!”

The kids scramble, the bully giving Michael a glare as one of his friends tugs him along.

His eyes fall to the kid that he’d been bullying and Michael thinks that he’s imagining the guilty look in his eyes.

Michael turns to the kid who is walking away with his skateboard under his arm.

“Hey!” Michael calls out. “I literally just saved your life, some gratitude would be appreciated!”

The kid turns around, eye roll visible from space, and says. “Thanks for the totally unnecessary life save, I had it under control.”

“Not from where I was standing,” Michael says moving closer as the kid drops his skateboard to the floor.

“Then maybe you should’ve gone stand somewhere else.”

Michael huffs out a laugh and shakes his head.

“I was just trying to help.”

“I didn’t need any help. I can take care of myself.”

“Everyone needs a little help sometimes,” Michael says, the mantra that his mom instilled in him since she adopted him.

The kid shakes his head, and then sighs. “Thanks,” he says and sighs again. “It’s kinda hard to face your bully when he’s wearing the face of your best friend.”

“Ouch,” Michael says in sympathy looking over to where Max is once again staring dreamily and the girl riding her bicycle. He wonders how he’d handle it if Max was the one pushing him around and calling him names.

“I’m Alex,” the kid says and motions with chin to the skateboard still in his hands. “I can help you with some tricks I learned to stay on?”

Michael licks his lips and nods his head.

“I’m Michael, by the way.”

Alex smiles at him, and Michael feels a jolt go through him like a lightning bolt. He feels a little dizzy and lightheaded.

“Nice to meet you,” he says.

Michael swallows hard and smiles back.

“Nice to meet you too.”

**

Michael follows behind Alex into the abandoned Skate Park with a date set for demolition and something else to be built in its place with his heart in his throat.

This was the first place that he ever saw Alex, the place where Alex taught him to skate, the place where Alex told him about his father, the place where Alex used to run to if things got too bad at home.

Alex stops right by the handrail and looks over the empty eroded course.

Michael leans next to him and looks up at the sky.

There are black clouds rolling in the distance, getting closer, blocking out the stars and as Michael watches lightning flashes and the thunder rumbles from afar.

“I knew about the Morrison Grant,” Alex finally says and it sounds like it’s being dragged out of him, and it hits Michael right in the chest like shrapnel.

“Max told me. He found me here teaching Susan and Jimmy how to stay on a skateboard and he came up to me and just started speaking all about how you called him in tears because you were homesick, but not for the place you grew up in. You were missing me more than ever and you told him you were going to turn it down and transfer so that you could be closer, and I couldn’t-I couldn’t let you-”

Michael feels as though the bottom of his world just dropped out.

“You were thinking of declining your future handed to you on a silver platter all for what? Some nobody from Roswell?”

“Don’t talk about yourself like that,” Michael snaps and inhales deliberately trying to keep a lid on his rage.

He can hear Alex gripping the handrail tighter in his grip, and the thunder rolling closer.

“So,” Michael says and swallows back the way he wants to be sick. “Your best plan at convincing me to accept the grant was to join the Air Force.”

Alex inhales deeply, and is quiet for so long that the sound of thunder starts to shake the handrails, but that could also be from the failing grip Michael has on his anger.

“The Air Force was the easy choice,” Alex says on an exhale. “It was pushed in my face as the only viable option if I wasn’t going to be going to school to become a lawyer or a doctor or a politician for so long that it wasn’t difficult to decide to join when I made the decision to leave Roswell. What was difficult was leaving you behind.”

Michael clenches his jaw, and he can feel Alex’s gaze on the side of bus face, but he doesn’t turn to look at him.

“No,” Michael says finally and looks at Alex. “What would’ve been difficult was talking to me, and deciding on a plan together, but you weren’t afraid that I was giving up my future for you. You were afraid that my future had no room for you because, ‘I’m going to change the world’ as you’ve always said. So you broke us apart without giving me an actual choice.”

“Do you regret it?” Alex snaps turning to face Michael fully. “Everything that you’ve accomplished. You’ve gotten this far this early because you took the grant and left the state of New Mexico. You  _are_ going to change the world. You already are.”

Michael scoffs and mirrors Alex movements. “You’ve just alluded that I would’ve gotten here eventually,” Michael snaps back. “And do you think I care about any of that when you’ve also just told me that you joined the Air Force because of me-”

Alex starts shaking his head but Michael keeps talking.

“-do you know that I haven’t been sleeping lately? Because we get medical records of all our viable candidates.”

Alex’s breath hitches and he closes his eyes looking down.

There’s a second where the only sound is the thunder and Alex’s shaky breaths.

“You ever get tired of courting death, Manes?” Michael asks voice rough.

Alex flinches as though Michael tried to hit him.

“I’ve been working on something specially designed for you,” Michael admits. “It’s what keeps me up at night. The plans are all there, but I feel stuck. Might have to invent an entirely new element.”

Alex scoffs, but it gets him to look up at Michael.

“My father found out about us that summer,” he says and once again Michael feels his entire world screech to a stop.

“He threatened me to break up with you, but that never worked, especially since I didn’t live with him anymore.”

Alex takes a deep breath, and Michael really doesn’t like where this is going.

“So he threatened-”

“Me,” Michael guesses feeling sick to his stomach.

Alex shakes his head. “He told me that it wouldn’t be hard for him get your scholarship revoked and ban you from going to any school in the United States, that it wouldn’t be hard for someone with his resources. He lined out his whole plan in detail and showed me every single step. And while I didn’t have proof that he could actually go through with it, there was nothing to prove that he couldn’t. And I was going to tell you, but then-”

“Max told you about the grant,” Michael says and sighs.

“Alex,” he starts and takes a step closer.

Alex shakes his head. “You know, I’ve read all of your papers. And I keep a book full of your newspaper clippings. And I am so proud of every single thing that you’ve accomplished”

Michael just stares at him and then deliberately drops his gaze to the crutch Alex still has hooked around his right hand and elbow, and then back up to his face.

Alex gives him a resolute look back.

“I don’t regret it,” he says evenly. His voice shaking minutely. “No matter what.”

Michael inhales deeply once and nods his head.

There is nothing that he can do about this now. He doubts that he could’ve done something about it even if he had known the real reason Alex broke up with him that summer.

Short of building a time machine, there’s no way to undo the past. Not without causing more damage.

“There is one more thing I have to show you, if you want to see it.”

Alex says when Michael doesn’t say anything else.

Michael swallows hard. “Where?”

“Not too far from here,” he answers and looks over to the cluster of buildings near the park.

The lightning flashes and the words Roswell Community Center are illuminated.

**

Michael is eighteen years old and he doesn’t know how to swim, which is something that he should’ve probably told Alex before he followed him into the dark pool room at the Center.

The thing is that Michael has been desperate for some alone time with him, but with Max leaving on a road trip with Liz in a few days, Isobel has been cramming their days full of bonding activities that Max and Michael both go along with because they know she’s afraid that they’ll fall apart with the distance.

He’s barely had a chance to kiss Alex let alone  _touch_ him, and he feels like he might die if he doesn’t get his hands on Alex sometime in the next twenty seconds.

Alex turns right by the edge of the pool, and he’s illuminated by the blue green lights as they shine out of the water, and the scent in the air is heavy with chlorine, but Michael can just smell the sweet bitter scent of the acetone that had spilled earlier on Alex’s shirt.

He crosses the space between them, and Alex inhales sharply before Michael presses their mouths together hard and a bit off center.

Alex makes a muffled sound against his mouth and kisses him back, reaching up to dig his fingers into Michael’s hair to drag him closer.

Alex bites against Michael’s mouth and Michael slides his hands around Alex’s waist and tugs him in even closer.

Which was a mistake when they weren’t watching where they were going standing by the edge of the pool.

Alex slips and Michael stumbles to catch him.

They both go over and into the water.

Michael isn’t expecting the instant panic that engulfs him the second he’s entirely beneath the water.

He doesn’t talk much about the three years he spent in the system before getting adopted, but there is a reason why Michael never goes near water deeper than five feet.

He sinks like a stone while Alex immediately gets himself to the surface.

Michael wants to reach for him, but he can’t. There are bubbles all around him, and he’s not entirely sure which way is up.

He can hear a sound that mimics his name but slow and as though his ears are full of cotton.

And then suddenly he’s tugged upwards.

He breaks the surface with a gasp and immediately starts to kick with his feet.

“Wait! Guerin! Stop!” he hears someone say, but he can’t make out who it is over the roaring in his ears and the pounding of his pulse in his temples and the way he can’t seem to get enough air in his lungs.

The person starts to pull him and Michael fights back hard. He hears a hiss of pain and a voice calling his name, and then his feet are touching solid ground beneath him.

He tries to run, to get away, but he feels heavy and clumsy and he still can’t breathe.

A sound like a windchime breaks through the panic, feeling like Isobel as it spreads calm through him like if someone had poured acetone directly into his brain.

“ _-Michael!_ ” the panic in Alex’s voice makes his eyes snap open.

He pushes the feeling of gratitude at Isobel and turns to Alex who pulls him into a hug immediately.

Michael wraps his arms around him and holds him tightly.

Alex’s heart slows as they stand there holding each other in four feet of water.

Michael finds the rest of the panic receding when Alex moves, pulling away from him and looking at his face.

“Are you okay?” he asks brow furrowed, eyes wide and worried.

There is eyeliner smeared around his eyes, running from the water, and Michael remembers the last time that he saw Alex like that.

His eyeliner had been running from the sweat, and he was lying on his back next to Michael laughing at something that Michael said that he can’t remember, and he’d turned the smile on him, and Michael had thought with a staggering clarity,  _I love you_.

He hadn’t said it then because Alex had cut off the words with his mouth and had proceeded to make Michael forget about every letter of the alphabet except a couple of vowel sounds.

“I love you,” he says into the quiet stillness that falls over them.

Alex’s eyes do that thing they always do when something takes him by surprise and he stares unblinkingly as though he’s trying to see inside of Michael’s head.

Michael just watches him back not hiding anything because he’s never been ashamed of his feelings for Alex. He just always seems to be leave Alex speechless when all he did was make a true statement.

Alex blinks, and his expression changes, eyes going darker. He parts his mouth, wetting his bottom lip with his tongue, and then inhales deeply as he moves his hands to Michael’s face, fingers softly tickling up his jaw and curling around his ears as he tugs Michael in and kisses him, soft and slow and sweet.

When he pulls away Michael trembles in his hold, but he doesn’t open his eyes.

Alex nudges their noses together and exhales the words soft and delicate and tender between the space of their mouths like it’s the only place he wants the words to live.

Michael parts his lips and catches the words and swallows them whole, feeling a warmth spreading through him.

When Michael kisses him, his lips are curved into a smile.

**

Michael calls Max as soon as the door that leads to the pool swings shut behind Alex.

Max answers and he sounds halfway drunk and Michael can still make the music coming from the broken speakers in the Wild Pony.

He hesitates for a second because he had completely forgotten that Alex had dragged him out of the party not even an hour ago.

Michael takes a deep breath and Max stays silent waiting.

“You told him,” is all he says and he can’t help the way that his voice sounds accusing and hurt.

He can’t change the past, but there is all this rage bottled up inside for what could’ve been if Alex had just  _talked_ to him before deciding what was best for them both.

And since he refuses to take it out on Alex when he clearly has taken it out on himself, Max is the next best option.

Max doesn’t say anything.

“He was already under pressure from his dad and you just sealed his fate.”

He hears Max swallow.

“I told him because he deserved to know. I didn’t know about his dad or his plan to join the Air Force, Michael, but I won’t be sorry for telling him. I knew if anyone could make you see sense, it would be him.”

“You shouldn’t have gotten involved,” Michael grits out.

“I was doing what I thought was best-”

“You’re not my dad!” Michael snaps and it instantly takes him back to that summer, and telling Max that he came to him for a listening ear not a lecture.

“I know,” Max says sounding a little tired. “I’m sorry. I was worried that you were going to make a rash decision.”

“I’ve been in love with Alex since I was fourteen years old,” Michael says feeling the fight sap out of him at the way Max’s voice sounds. “And sure I didn’t understand what I was feeling at first, but I know now that I fell in love with him in that skate park. And I haven’t fallen out. No matter how hard I tried. I thought that I’d gotten him out of my system and the sight of his name sent me reeling. He almost died, Max.”

His voice shakes and he hears Max’s sharp intake of breath.

“I’m sorry,” Max says again.

And then there is the sound of Liz singing loud and off key and trying to get Max to follow her to the dance floor.

Michael shakes his head and sighs. “Go. We’ll talk about this later. I have someone waiting for me too.”

“Okay,” Max says. “But listen, I never meant to hurt you. I love you, Michael. You’re my brother.”

Michael sighs and rolls his eyes. “Love you too, bye.”

He hangs up the phone and takes a deep breath before walking through the door.

The pool is exactly the same, which isn’t a surprise.

He hears the splashing from the water and looks over and stumbles over one of Alex’s shoes on the floor in front of him. He follows the trail to the other shoe and then Alex’s jacket and then his shirt and then his pants.

Michael swallows hard as his eyes spot Alex’s crutch and prosthetic leaning against the ladder that leads out of the pool, and the pair of black boxers are on the ground beside them a manila folder resting on top.

Michael gets closer to the edge, slowly and looks over the water where he can make out the blurry form of Alex’s body as he moves beneath the water towards where he left his things.

“No trouble moving in the water, I see,” Michael says as Alex hooks his arms over the edge and leans his chin on top looking up at him.

He’s glad that the words are coherent because half of his brain power is dedicated to letting him know that Alex is naked as though he hasn’t figured that out.

Alex shrugs, “Swimming is easier than walking these days.”

Michael swallows hard but really doesn’t know what to say to that.

“Come here,” Alex says and motions with his head to the space right in front of him. “I promise not to pull you in.”

Michael takes a deep breath and moves closer, dropping gracelessly into a crouch right in front of Alex.

He looks at him and then looks at the manila folder and then shifts his gaze to the prosthetic limb.

Michael motions at it with his fingers and drops back to sit down on the floor as he catches the prosthetic in his hands and starts to inspect it.

He hears Alex exhale and move in the water.

“The smell of chlorine and the taste of the pool water always reminds me of you, and how you said the words like you couldn’t contain them anymore, and how you looked at me with your eyes wide and so honest and so full of love. You loved me,” he says sounding amazed and Michael’s gaze darts from the prosthetic he’s not even really paying attention to to Alex who is staring right at him.

“I’ve never said those words to anyone else.”

Michael’s fingers tighten around the prosthetic and he can’t look away.

“I knew that day that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. You left that summer and I started making plans and saving money, and then I visited you on Campus and just, all of my plans seemed so  _small_ compared to your new world-”

“Alex,” Michael starts but Alex lifts one hand and he stops.

“Just let me finish and then you can say what you want.”

Michael licks his lips and nods his head.

“And then,” he inhales and gives Michael a look that means don’t interrupt. “A person you’ve been talking about constantly while we’re on the phone calls me your Roswell Summer fling and it put a lot of things into a new perspective. I started making new plans. The kind that takes years to complete and while the Air Force hadn’t been a part of the plan originally, it helped.”

Michael continues to stare at him. “What kind of plans?”

Alex motions with his head to the manila folder.

“Everything is in there. Read it well, because this is where you make the choice.”

Michael’s eyes dart from the folder to Alex and back and back to Alex.

“What choice?”

Alex licks his lips and his stare intensifies a little.

“You can go, take my car and go back to the party, just let Maria know where I am, she’ll send Cam to come and get me. Or,” he stops and then swallows and looks at Michael from beneath heavy lids. “You can come join me. I promise I won’t let you drown.”

Michael watches as he pushes away from the ledge.

“Read. I’m going to finish my swim.”

And then he’s ducking beneath the water once again.

Michael watches him make one lap, before he sets the prosthetic back where it was and inhales deeply once before he picks up the manila folder.

He skims through the papers once, pauses and then starts reading them more carefully.

The first set is Alex’s military contract with a date stamped that it had been reviewed recently. It details his new assignment and the location. Effective once his medical team here in Roswell signs off on it. In Albuquerque. Michael immediately mentally calculates the miles between the base and his lab, and it leaves him feeling a little light headed at how close Alex is going to be.

The next set is a letter from the bank congratulating Alex on his new account opened almost six years ago. The secondary account holder is Michael Guerin.

Michael’s eyes dart to where Alex is still doing laps, going faster than he was before.

Michael looks back down at the paperwork in his hands.

The next set of papers is a lease for a two bedroom apartment. The address is of course in Albuquerque. And Michael doesn’t have to calculate too hard to know that the place was right in the middle between the lab and the base.

The last set of papers is an unsigned marriage license, dated August 13th 2009, two weeks before he’d broken things off.

Michael looks up to see Alex leaning against the other side of the pool, just staring at him.

Michael looks back down at the papers in his hands.

This is his future on a silver platter, once again.

Alex is giving him everything he wanted for them five years ago, but this time it feels like something that could be real and  _permanent_ instead of just a fantasy, a daydream he used to fall asleep to.

Michael has been in love with Alex what feels like forever. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to love anyone else.

He’s tried and he’s had relationships that lasted longer than a night, but everything always felt wrong, like there was something missing and it was this.

Michael closes the folder and sets it aside.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

Alex says he needs to make a choice like he doesn’t already know what Michael is going to choose.

Michael opens his eyes and isn’t surprised to see that Alex swam across the pool and is back to leaning his chin on his arms staring at him with wide dark endless eyes.

Michael stares back for a long second trying to see if Alex means this. If this is what he really wants, but he doesn’t really doubt that. Not when Alex did all of this. Not when Alex literally stripped himself bare and exposed everything.

Michael stands suddenly, and sees the way the fear slides into Alex’s eyes the second before he’s pulling his shirt over his head.

He drops it and finds Alex looking at him kind of startled, as though he wasn’t expecting this when he’d told Michael to make a choice.

Michael doesn’t hesitate as he starts to unbuckle his pants and tug his shoes off using a little help.

He kicks his jeans off with his boots and keeps his eyes on Alex’s and he hooks his fingers into the waistband of his boxers and tugs them down.

Alex’s gaze drags over him like a physical touch, and Michael shudders, his eyes falling shut.

He can hear Alex treading water and figures that the water is deep enough.

He jumps into the pool and Alex yells something, but Michael’s head sinks beneath the water before he can make it out.

Before Michael can sink too deep, Alex is there, tugging him up to the surface.

Michael grabs on to him immediately and Alex sinks a little, both of them going under before he’s reaching out with one hand and pressing Michael up against the ladder, fingers wrapped tightly around the metal bar.

“Why did you do that?” Alex asks gasping.

Michael licks his lips, “You said you wouldn’t let me drown.”

Alex stops moving and just stares at him, and Michael smiles at the reaction.

He slides his hands up to Alex’s neck and pulls him in closer.

He nudges their noses together before dropping his forehead to Alex’s and exhales.

Alex melts into him, pushing in closer, and dropping his face to Michael’s neck.

Michael wraps his arms and legs around him and holds him tight.

He inhales and closes his eyes and vows to never let Alex go again, no matter what.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!


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